Time is Out Of Joint

Non-linear

Sod it, the time has come. Blow off the cobwebs, crank up the loudspeaker, cos an announcement is in order here at pogo a go-go:

FiL is hereby abandoning linear time.

What? You thought I was packing it in? Not a chance, Dearest Friend. Yes, yes, I know postings have been rather thin around here as of late, but it's a trickle, not a drought.

I still have stories to tell, it's just that I can't get them out in a timely manner. So if time is the problem, then time must be removed. Abolished. Spurned. So the stories will come when they come, in the order they choose.

There, I feel better.

Speaking of time, this week's Contrast Podcast urges us to go back to when we were 21 and share what music we hear back then (See? I'm messing with the tenses. Woot! Fuck you, time!!). The theme was actually suggested by my Dearest Friend Brad, who was one of my roommates at college. I'm actually going back to Washington, DC for a long weekend of catching up with him and other close friends. Ostensibly it's a late 40th birthday celebration. Well, I'm happy for that to be the excuse; it's been waaaay too long since I spent proper time with Brad et al, and I am looking forward to it something fierce. I just hope I'll be able to remember it all after all the alcohol...

Drop by here to download the CP Nation's collective reminiscence, and stop here to leave your comments.

As I mentioned in my intro, the song I chose (not gonna tell you what it is - new policy chez FiL: go have a look/listen on the CP website) nailed a particular transition point as I navigated into my 22nd year. During those 12 months I finished up my undergraduate studies, spent a couple of months backpacking around Europe, then started graduate studies in England, where I didn't quite reckon I'd spend the next 15 years. But there were a lot of musical currents swirling around, and so my choice could just have well been one of these:

The Pixies - Wave Of Mutilation (buy here)
I lived & breathed this album...

De La Soul - Jenifa Taught Me (buy here)
Awww, bay-beh!!

Mudhoney - This Gift (buy here)
They dumped me headlong into grunge. Been there, done that, still got the flannel shirt...

Pop Will Eat Itself - Wise Up! Sucker (buy here)
I forget too often how good the PWEI's brand of screeching pop fusion often was.

The Soup Dragons - I'm Free (buy here)
There's always been a baggy dance element to FiL..

Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine - Sheriff Fatman (buy here)
Jimbob & Fruitbat - what a duo! A cleverly anthemic, socially scathing piece of pop goodness, this is. And did you know that CP compere Tim once boasted a stringy, Jimbob rattail hairdo? It's true!

Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Kill Your Television (buy here)
Noisy boys with a thing for multiple t-shirts and loose shorts. I've had tinnitus in my left ear ever since going to a 1992 Ned's gig. Fact!

Lush - Sweetness & Light (buy here or e-here)
I've been gazing rapturously at my shoes for hours. Can't stop.


So I'm off to DC tomorrow evening for the weekend, then I jet to Toronto for a couple days of work. No idea when I'll be back around here, but, well, it'll be sometime. Until then, Dearest Friends, stay excellent.

Indigestion

I ate for them...

So last week I found myself of an evening in a Vancouver hotel ballroom breaking bread amongst a swarm of financial types. The occasion was an annual dinner put on by an august association that bestows a TLA on those hopeful youngsters who've crunched numbers, sweated blood, and scribbled under time pressure to the requisite standard. I am not among the blessed ones, but I was invited to attend anyway. Not sure why, but there you go.

Now apparently every year over dessert and coffee a panel of financial experts what knows about how this money thang all works gives its predictions for the year ahead. But before that, last year's predictions are reviewed. The whole production is supposed to be wrapped in humour, presumably to demonstrate that, hey, bean counters can be wacky, off-kilter types. This year the humour was distinctly of the gallows variety. Hoots of laughter applauded the TLA in the audience who won a chunk of lucite for "Best Stock Pick:" XYZ Industries, down 43 percent year-on-year. Yes, I said down. Hoots of laughter.

Yet something sat not quite right about all of this. It was probably around coffee that it struck me; despite the frightful whipsawing of the markets, the credit crunch, and bleeding investment portfolios, all of us folks in that ballroom had jobs and were relatively alright, Jack, if a tad nervous. We dined on seared tuna (a bit peppery that crust, but still nice) and steak (obviously nuked prior to a finishing grill, but quite a tasty bit of flesh), quaffed red, red wine (only one glass for me as I'm driving, but the fellow over there seems to have passed out in his chair), and laughed at it all rather than shed crocodile tears. Elsewhere, a record 4.78 million Americans are receiving unemployment benefits, and are struggling to make ends meet. Some are sinking deep into despair, and taking their loved ones with them. Home foreclosures are gutting communities. Canada, largely spared to date, is starting to feel the hot breeze of the firestorm to the south. People will be hurt here as well.

And that's what it's all about: real, live people. Not numbers, not graphs, but people.

As I left, I felt angry. And part of that anger was directed at myself; I ate at that table, I'm alright, Jack. So I asked myself: whatcha gonna do about it?

Well FiL? I'm waiting...

The Neurotics - This Fragile Life (buy here or e-here)
Public Image Limited - This Is Not A Love Song (buy here)
Wild Billy Childish and the Musicians of the British Empire - Thatcher's Children (buy here or e-here)

Kicking It around

It's the fourth down on the ten-yard line...Rick flicks it to John Q, who heads it to Steve...oh, and the Vinyl Villain dribbles it down the left and passes it to Tricia...who throws it to Tim...Tim lines up on the goal...he shoots...the goalie dives the wrong way AND ITS A GOOOOOOOAAAALLL FOR TEAM CONTRAST PODCAST!!!

Yes, this week it's a mix of pigskin and pitch as the CP nation explores football in all its musical permutations. Come listen to the match over here. The team roster:

(00:00) The Rosebuds - Push it
Rick from Are you embarrassed easily

(05:03) The Hitchers - Strachan
John Q.

(11:00) Colourbox - The official colourbox world cup theme
Steve from Domino Rally

(16:32) Fountains of Wayne - All kinds of time
Thomas from Better in the Dark

(22:00) ¡All-Time Quarterback! - Cleveland
Marcy from Lost in your inbox

(25:02) Cock SParrer - Trouble on the Terraces
FiL from Pogoagogo

(31:48) Outkast - Morris Brown
James from Appetite For Distraction

(36:36) Billy Bragg - The boy done good
Charles from Heartache with Hard Work

(40:28) The 1982 Scottish World Cup Team with B.A. Robertson and John Gordon Sinclair - We have a dream
JC aka The Vinyl Villian

(46:20) Shawn Lee - The big game
Eiron from The S+7 Method

(52:37) Chixdiggit - I should have played football in highschool
Chris from Culture Bully

(55:24) The Housemartins - We’re not deep
Tricia

(58:41) Jiskefet - Mijn club
Rhiannah

(01:05:25) Mel and Tim - Backfield in motion
Adam from Pretending life is like a song

(01:08:21) The Meat Puppets - Touchdown king
Natalie from Mini-Obs

(01:13:37) Ballboy - Sunday league (acoustic)
Dirk from Sexy Loser

(01:16:59) Alex Constantino, Danny Baker and Danny Kelly - Bohemian Rhapsody
Stuart from The Accies Blog

Now I must admit that I am not a fan of any of the various species of football. Indeed, I'm not much of spectator sports aficionado at all. Growing up in the US, I had plenty of opportunity to watch the American variety, but it just bored, bored, BORED me to tears, especially when the final five minutes of a game would telescope into an hour, what with all the time-outs and ad breaks.

Despite my looong stint in the UK, I am similarly lukewarm towards The Beautiful Game. In the office I was regularly teased for not having a team, so much so that I finally told my colleagues that they could pick a team for me to follow if it would make them happy. Alas (thankfully?), they could not decide who I should support; I think it had come down to Charlton Athletic, QPR, and Liverpool (the last because I am rather fond of the late John Peel, who was a keen Liverpool supporter), but the lengthy debates never reached resolution.

I suppose what really turns me off team spectator sports is the tribalism; the "us-versus-them" mentality, the trash-talking, the jeering. Yes, yes, I know it's usually all in the good, healthy spirit of friendly competition, but even then I just can't see the point of investing emotional capital in it. And then you have the occasions when the tribalism gets ugly. It would be facile of me to tar all sports with the brush of hooliganism, but that distasteful element does rear its head far too often for my liking.

Perhaps what cemented my dislike of football (soccer) in particular was my Leeds experience. In the late nineties Dearest Wife was living and working in Leeds while I did likewise in London. Every Friday I'd endure the Great North Eastern Railway service from Kings Cross to Leeds, and every Sunday afternoon I'd endure it again in reverse. However, the journey back was most often rendered much more of an ordeal by the drunken football fans returning home to their ratholes after the fixture of the day. The puke, the chants, the verbal - it was awful. It got so bad that eventually I started taking the Monday dawn train back to London instead. It meant getting up at around 4:30 AM, but at least I could sleep for a couple of hours (sometimes more, if there were leaves on the tracks) without being bothered by bovver boys...

Despite all my kvetching, I must admit to going to the odd Canadian football game as of late. Why? Well, the Canuck version of the American game is faster paced, as it isn't quite so commercialized and it boasts one fewer down. The fans are better behaved in general , although I have seen police intervene in the stands on occasion. But the real reason I go? My Fantastic Father-in-Law quite likes the game, and I quite like spending time with him.

What's that? Oh yes, the music. Here are the two other tracks that I almost submitted:

Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It? (buy here)
Football? Kick? Geddit??

The Adicts - You'll Never Walk Alone (buy here or e-here)
Everybody's favourite clockwork punks do their version of Liverpool FC's anthem.

Next week, it's all about Sizes. Pop over here to find out how to contribute.

They Say The Tardy Fruit's A Fuller Wine

Abigail Washburn with Bela Fleck
Vancouver Folk Music Festival, July 2008

Dearest Friends, we are experiencing a rare moment of calm and downtime round Chateau FiL. Darling Daughter is somewhere up the Sunshine Coast enjoying (we hope) her weekend at Girl Guides District Camp. Dearest Wife is upstairs preparing her lectures on Celtic gods & goddesses for the upcoming week. Ginadawg is curled up in front of the fire. And Little Man & I are ensconced on the sofa watching The Wizard of Oz. There's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no place like home...

Things have been a bit quiet round pogo a go-go way of late. You know, the whole offline life thing. But I won't whinge about it, cos it's just how it is that's not what you've dropped by for. Here, why don't you join us on the sofa for a mug of hot milk & honey and a bit of a catch-up??

I've been meaning to tell you for some time now about Abigail Washburn. How long is "some time?" Well, um, since this past summer, actually. I know, pretty crap of me, but better now than never, because she sounds as wonderful today as she did six months ago when I saw her play the Vancouver Folk Music Festival with The Sparrow Quartet. While I was perusing the Fest's programme she caught my eye for three reasons. First, she plays the banjo. Ever since I saw Old Man Luedecke play the thing at the previous year's Festival I've been a fan, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Played well, it can be by turns marvellously evocative and pogoliciously rambunctious. Oh, and she plays the clawhammer banjo; dunno exactly what species that is, but it sounds hardcore. Second, Abigail narrowly escaped being a lawyer. She was on the verge of treading down the path of international corporate law when a fortuitous encounter with an agent at a bluegrass convention resulted in a demo and ultimately a decision to follow the music rather than Mammon. Third, she fuses her love of old-time pluckin' with her love of China. Yes, you heard right. While a student, she developed a deep respect and passion for Chinese culture during a trip to that country, and went so far as to learn Mandarin. She now composes and sings in both idioms.

If the programme whetted my appetite, seeing her left me hungry for more. I was spellbound, and the shivers danced up and down my spine, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. Dearest Friends, whenever that happens I KNOW what I'm hearing is magnificent. I was watching her and the Quartet with Dearest Father-in-Law, who commented that her banjo-playing, while good, wasn't particularly complex. Maybe that was true, particularly when compared to quartetite Bela Fleck, who is widely regarded as the finest banjo meister alive. But there was something so pure and clear and gorgeous and evocative about her plucking and singing that relative technical prowess seemed irrelevant. She flitted from old skool Appalachian tunes to Chinese folk songs with wondrous ease, her seamless weaving supported magnificently by fiddle and cello, as well as Bela's second banjo. On top of all this she is lovely, both on stage and off. I chatted briefly with her on the second day of the Festival and she was most gracious. Afterwards I thought that maybe I had been bewitched by the setting; in the past certain artists who I enjoyed at the Festival seemed slightly less fabulous upon subsequent listenings. Not so Abigal; I saw her and the Sparrow Quartet perform brilliantly a few months later at the more intimate Rogue Folk Club and I realized that I had been bewitched, not by the Festival, but by Abigail and her music (but you should have guessed that, since I only tell you about those artists who truly ARE fabulous). As she sang and picked, the shivers returned; they were particularly electrifying on this sublime song:

Abigail Washburn & the Sparrow Quartet - A Fuller Wine (buy this splendid album here or e-here)

Abigail Washburn and the Sparrow Quartet are currently on the tail-end of a long spate of touring that has taken them all over the US, Europe, and China (see Abigail's Myspace page for a brilliant set of thoughtful, erudite, and eloquent blogposts about that visit). If you're in Kentucky, Colorado, Washington DC, or New York, do go prepared to be spellbound:

4 Feb: The Oriental Theater, Denver, CO
5 Feb: Colorado College, Clorado Springs, CO
6 Feb: Fox Theater, Boulder, CO
7 Feb: Wheeler Opera House, Aspen, CO
10 Feb: National Geographic, Washington DC
11 Feb: Joe's Pub, New York, NY (N.B. two shows on one night)
15 Feb: Comstock Hall (University of Louisville), Louisville KY

It was lovely chatting with you, Dearest Friends. Stop by again for a hot mug of something.

Gitarre Verboten

No guitars, no dogs. I don't want to go here, but Jan did.

By order of The Vinyl Villain, Dearest Tim has banned all guitars from this week's Contrast Podcast. Other than banishment from the episode, I'm not sure what the penalty would have been for not respecting the Guitar-Free Zone. But I wasn't going to find out. Download the 'cast here to find out how good music can be without axes of any sort.

Guitarless goodness:

(00:00) Neil Young - Like a hurricane (unplugged)
JC aka The Vinyl Villian

(07:35) Mark Kozelek - Around and around
Linda from Speed of Dark

(09:49) Geoff Berner - Drunk all day
Ross from Hummin’ Cummins

(12:35) Hermine - Blue angel
Dirk from Sexy Loser

(15:43) Ella Fitzgerald - Sunshine of your love
Chris from Phosphorous.net

(19:33) Rory Mcleod - Love is like a rock (in a stormy sea)
Adam from Pretending life is like a song

(23:43) Cat Power - Wild is the wind
Natalie from Mini-Obs

(28:03) Tobacco - Gross Magik
Diana from Lipsynchsuck

(32:33) Deretraum - Zikabender
Eiron from The S+7 Method

(34:50) Jamie Lidell - Multiply (Gonzales remix)
Marcy from Lost in your inbox

(38:50) Laura Barrett - Robot ponies
Jim from Quick Before it Melts

(43:30) Ben Folds - One down (live)
James from Appetite For Distraction

(48:04) Regina Spektor - Samson
Agnes from It all started with carbon monoxide

(52:50) Mr Hopkinson’s Computer - Fake plastic trees
John Q.

(57:43) Tiger Lillies - Banging in the nails
FiL from Pogoagogo

(01:02:38) Markéta Irglová - The hill
Rhiannah

(01:07:40) Laurie Anderson - From the air
Tricia

(01:12:53) Dead man’s bones - In the room where you sleep
Chris from Culture Bully

(01:17:46) Interbellum - 6EQUJ5
ZB from So the wind won’t blow it all away

(01:23:15) The Roy Hargrove Quintet - Strasbourg / St Denis
Greer from A Sweet Unrest

I decided fairly swiftly that I wanted to submit a Tiger Lillies track, primarily because they are ace and secondly because they operate off of accordion, upright bass, and drums. I then reckoned that in order to get the full effect across, I needed to offer up one of their more shocking songs. You see, seamy, sordid, saucy, and sacrilegious is what these Brechtian cabareters do best. Finally, I wanted to go for something punchy and punky, despite the guitar prohibition. So you got what's probably their most outrageous number, but I also considered this one:

Tiger Lillies - Hell (buy here or e-here)

Now I did briefly consider going with a spot of electronica, so you might have gotten this dose of 80s minimalist Eurokitsch, only I was afraid you'd all hunt me down after it had been stuck in your head for a month after the podcast:

TRIO - Da Da Da (buy here)

And had I not been in such a rammy mood, you might have been treated to this lovely piece, which always fills me with an odd sense of yearning...

Orbital - Belfast/Wasted (this version is from the excellent third edition of Volume magazine, which I think is now best found on eBay)

Next week, the CP celebrates Football. Pick your side, pick a song, then learn how to submit it here.

Feet First

Ask Nick where he gets his shoes

Right, this week Dearest Tim's really put his feet in it. Well, his feet and those of others. And the "it" he's put them in is this week's Contrast Podcast. Yes, Dearest Friends, the current episode is given over entirely to matters podiatric: tootsies, boots, shoes, walking, and the like. So move your feet over here to download it, and don't forget to comment here.

What's afoot:

(00:00) Mud - Tiger feet
Tim from The face of today

(04:32) Kirsty MacColl - In these shoes?
Natalie from Mini-Obs

(09:29) Starlet - When the sun falls on my feet
JC aka The Vinyl Villian

(14:10) Hello Saferide - Get sick soon
Agnes from It all started with carbon monoxide

(17:32) Cinerama - Heels
John Q.

(21:29) Bernard Bresslaw - You need feet
The In Crowd from I’m Learning to Share!

(24:58) Moonbabies - Walking on my feet
Marcy from Lost in your inbox

(29:51) Quincy Jones & Bill Cosby - Toe jam
Chris from Culture Bully

(34:52) Patrick Macnee & Honor Blackman - Kinky boots
FiL from Pogoagogo

(39:33) Jean-Paul Sartre Experience - Own two feet
Dirk from Sexy Loser

(44:05) Nobody & Mystic Chords of Memory - Feet upon the sand
Rachel from Untitled Records

(49:07) Bleep - Dipping toes
Eiron from The S+7 Method

(54:50) Good shoes - Small town girl
Adam from Pretending life is like a song

(59:44) Clinic - Second foot stomp
Jim from Quick Before it Melts

(01:03:07) Catch-22 - As the footsteps die out forever
James from Appetite For Distraction

(01:07:33) Oh Susanna - Forever at your feet
Rhiannah

(01:11:38) Billy Connolly - If it was’nae for your wellies
Tricia

This particular body part seems to provoke a strong reaction; folks seem either to really, really like them or to find them utterly revolting. So where do I stand? Somewhere in the middle, I suppose. I find a well groomed, well proportioned female foot can be most aesthetically pleasing. Conversely, when the weather warms up I'm always amazed at how many folks insouciantly bare their yellow-nailed, dragon-skinned, taloned paws. And why is it that whenever one talks about feet in a non-clinical/medical manner it seems rather pervy??

As an aside, methinks Dearest Wife isn't too fond of my tootsies; for Christmas I got a gift certificate for a pedicure. Actually, I'm rather looking forward to the experience. D'oh! Here comes that pervy feeling again. Quick, onto the other songs I very nearly submitted:

Adam Ant - Goody Two Shoes (buy here)
Nowt to do with feet, really, but a bloody good slab of 80s pop. Fill yer boots, as they say here in Canada...

Helen Love - Put Your Foot On The Fuzzbox (buy here or e-here)
More to do with the fuzzbox than the foot. Fast, loud, and mad!!

Clifton Chenier - Long Toes (buy here or e-here)
You can't beat a good dose of Zydeco. No way, no how.

And then there was "Footloose." No, not the Kenny Loggins film ditty, but this tight bit of hip hop from Toronto's own Wio-K. It's dope, da shizz, & all that. It may well have made it, but for timing. You see, I caught the tail end of it on the telly late on Monday, by which time my choice & intro had already been put to bed. But I was snaffled by That Bassline and that sharp ragga hook by Tasha Rozez, Mizz GunznRozez. Omigod. So I offer it up to you here, Dearest Friends. But before I do, I want to dedicate it to Greer. You see, on last week's CP she told us about her late brother, his love of hip hop, and her consequent appreciation of the genre. And it really touched me. Folks, it's what music and people's love of it is all about.

So here you go, Dearest Greer. This one is for you and your bro.

Wio-K feat. Tasha Rozez - Footloose (buy on iTunes or Napster)

And that video...

Stories

gordonr

I omitted a very important resplution from my list below:

Tell more stories...

Little Man and I have just seen my Mother off at the airport. We exchange hugs and promises of next visits while around us others spin out their own tales of departure and separation with tears and smiles and laughter. I tell her I was glad she had come; she replies with a smile and thanks, followed by a sudden, sharp mugging with the memory of a perceived slight. We then stand and wave our last goodbyes as she slips through the opaque sliding doors that separate the secure from the unsecure. My mind stings like a slapped cheek. Why does each chapter always have to end this way?

I turn away, planning to head for the car and home to our own home story. In front of us a jade canoe heaves into view, frozen in bronze yet seeming to glide forward, towards the unknown. The Spirit of Haida Gwaii is one of my favourite sculptures. I ask Little Man if we should go have a look, and with an impish grin he speeds off towards the massive craft, crowded with a fantastic, mythical crew. I catch up with him and he begins asking questions. Who's that? Is that an eagle? What are they doing? Where are they going? I reply that the sculpture tells a story, and ask if he would like to help me tell it.

I take him to a plaque off to the side and begin to read to him about the Spirit of Haida Gwaii. As I describe the craft and its crew, he races off eagerly to find each creature. Sitting in the bow is Bear, staring resolutely backwards at a past he refuses to abandon. Next to him is his human wife, Bear Mother, who clutches her cubs while looking for the future. Trusty Beaver paddles steadily ahead, as does the Reluctant Conscript, the everyman who is both taken for granted and the reason for it all. Then there is the alluring Dogfish Woman, who exudes a mystical desire as deep and dark as the ocean, despite her hooked nose, gill slits and wild piercings. The sharp-featured Mouse Woman huddles in the stern, hiding under Raven's tail; she is the guide between worlds. Wolf digs his claws into Beaver's back, while chewing on Eagle's wing. In turn, the noble Eagle's pride compells him to bite Bear's paw. Frog sits partly in the boat, bridging the land and sea. The cunning, charming Raven sits in the stern, steering the canoe wherever his trickster fancy takes him. Finally we come to the Shaman, who sits stoically in the middle of this tumultuous vessel, clutching the intricately carved staff that represents the world view of the Haida. A story within a story.

Having met all the creatures, Little Man's attention turns towards a promised hot chocolate. We sit in comfy chairs as travellers pass by, sipping our drinks. I tell Little Man that stories are important, so very important. They help us understand ourselves and others. They record what must be remembered. And they help us make sense of what we don't understand.

He looks at me for a moment, then busies himself with exctracting the dregs of chocolate foam. My mind stings a little less.

Pothole Skinny - Stories Locked In Time (buy here or e-here)

The Clock Work Army - Read Me A Story (buy here or e-here)

Resolved

KayVee.INC

Alright, time to dig out. Chrimbo has come & gone, and I'm trying to figure out why I had such the allergic reaction to it this year. There must be something to learn from it. In good time...

So, it's New Year's Eve. There must be something in the air --odd vapours, peculiar plasms-- because I'm feeling the inclination to make resolutions.

Seriously.

You see, ordinarily I don't hold with That Type Of Thing; you know, gin-fuelled, ill-considered attachment to unreasonable goals, followed by disappointment and self-criticism when they're not met. But of late I've been bouncing a few ideas off of mental walls. Weighing them up. Poking them. Prodding them. Nothing life-transforming, you understand, but I suppose this is as good a time as any to stop molesting them and adopt them. So, without any further ado, I resolve to:

1. Get in shape for the 2009 Vancouver Sun Run
   
   
2. Start taking gee-tarr lessons
   
   
3. Listen to more music
   
   
4. Volunteer, cos talking about change isn't enough
   
   
5. Sort out that thing that I should have sorted out ages ago

I would be grateful if you could see your way to helping me stick to them... A very happy, compassionate, and rockin' 2009 to you all, Dearest Friends!

Camera Obscura - Happy New Year (buy here or e-here)
The Bodines - Decide (only available on the original 1989 12-inch, methinks. Try here.)
Asobi Seksu - New Years (buy here or e-here)

Piss Off

It's over, so just go away. That's right, push off, and take your commercialism and unrealistic expectations and forced bonhomie with you. Oh, and don't forget all that bloody snow - you can stick it in your sleigh as well. I'm sick of shoveling it.

Jack White - Christmas Time is Nearly Over (buy here)
The Stuck-Ups - Piss Off (buy here or e-here)
Blackavar - Heart of Winter (buy here)

Christmas Conspiracy

Well, according to NORAD, Father Christmas is currently over Brian Head, Utah and is heading north. You see, I finally figured it out: Old St Nick is in cahoots with the military-industrial complex and is using alien spacecraft technology adapted by the US Air Force to travel the globe at high hypersonic speeds (see the photo above for PROOF!), distributing gifts in support of the reification of Christmas and general commodity fetishism, which in turn compels people to spend spend SPEND, thereby propping up the Capitalist system.

Shockingly fiendish, isn't it?? But now you know the truth.

Anyway, here are a final few seasonal tunes without which for me Chrimbo would be zilcho. Happy hols, Dearest Friends.

The Kinks - Father Christmas (buy here)
The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping (buy here)
Holly Golightly - Christmas Tree on Fire (buy here)
Shonen Knife - Space Christmas (buy here)
St Etienne - I Was Born On Christmas Day (buy here)
Jacob Miller - All I Want for Ismas (buy e-here)
Bullette - Blue Christmas (buy her stuff here)

Silent Night, My Arse!

Dearest Friends, I find the holiday season is SO much more enjoyable when it's noizeee in a punk rock stylee. Don't you agree?


Easy Roy & The Flux Capacitors - Little Drummer Boy (I know nothing about the band or this song!)
The Vandals - Oi To The World (buy here or e-here)
New Bomb Turks - Christmas [Baby, Please Come Home] (buy here or e-here)
Celibate Rifles - Merry Xmas Blues (buy here or e-here)
Crucial Youth - X-Mas For The Skins (buy here or e-here)
Didjits - Under The Christmas Fish (buy here or e-here)
Exhumed - No Presents For Christmas (buy here or e-here)
S Punk 7 - White Trash Christmas (buy here or download more e-here)
Mistreaters - Santa Stole My Baby (buy the Flying Bomb Surprise Package here)
Devil Dogs - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day (buy here or e-here)

Last Christmas

Dearest Friends, you may recall that last Christmas Santa FiL got a bit too full of seasonal spirit(s) and utterly disgraced the red suit. It's true. However, I'm relieved to say that this year he's stayed off the egg nog. Well, not entirely, but he hasn't dissolved his brain in it. That said, there's still Christmas itself to get through, and a bottle of medicinal vodka in the freezer. Just in case...

Peter & The Test Tube Babies - I'm Getting Pissed For Christmas (buy here or e-here)
Dwarves - Drinking Up Christmas (buy e-here)
Lord Beginner - Christmas Morning The Rum Had Me Yawning (buy here)

Speaking of last Christmas (WARNING: FACILE SEGUE ALERT), what about that damn song?? Truth be told, with a skinful in me I can just about appreciate the campy cheesiness of the original by Messrs Ridgeley & Michael. But hearing its insipidness while sober and in a retail establishment in December makes me want to do unspeakably harsh things to shop mannequins. What surprises me, however, is the sheer number of cover versions there are out there of this tat. And while some of them are as bad (if not worse) than the original, I've actually come across a few that, erm, are quite good, actually...

Gordon Campbell - Last Christmas (buy here or e-here)
No, not the Premier of BC (at least I think so), but a devotee of the pan pipes. God, how I hate pan pipes. I'm convinced that there's only one Peruvian pan-pipe band in the whole world, but it follows me around everywhere I go, tormenting me on random street corners. But I digress - and I listen with prejudice. OK, this is the only truly awful version here, promise...

Le Sport, Montt Mardié, & Mr Suitcase - Last Christmas (no idea where to find this)
If you're off to Ibiza for a bit of a Chrimbo boogie, you might very hear this one. Loungey & housey all at once. Methinks the vocalist must have very tight underpants. Actually, all three of them are Swedes.

Animal - Last Kristmess* You Burst All My Warts (download it and others here)
Oboy, this is reeeealy something special. All skippy and trippy and jagged and ragged. Truly glorious in its abomination.

The Revolvers - Last Christmas (buy here)
These German punx rock! Dearest Marcy put it up already last week, but I love it soooo much you're going to get it again!! In fact, she's got a few other Last Christmases up, including a very good one by Jimmy Eat World. Please drop by!

Punk People - Last Christmas (buy e-here)
Mysterious cover artistes. Chugs along rather nicely (if predictably) & does exactly what it says on the tin - wuntoofreefwarrr!!

And if you want more covers, pop on over here.

A Filthy Little Christmas

I made this...

So Dearest Wife whips up a batch of lovely gingerbread homunculi, which she and the Delightful Children decorate in a manner appropriate to the season. At my request, they leave me a couple to embellish. After all, it's the family togetherness wot makes this time of the year special, right??

My first attempt results in a rather unconvincing zombie; it was hard to get the exposed brain just right. But my second baked golem turns out rather better; Dearest Friends, I give you the anatomically (more-or-less) correct Ginger Bready, the most sensuous erotic artiste ever to be formed out of pastry. OK, the kids think she's wearing a bikini and holding a cellphone, but y'all know it's really boobs 'n' pubes 'n' lube...

Actually, I blame all this filth on Dearest Tart. Yes, I was lured into the sultry world of Chrimbo smut by her provocative posts here and here. There oughta be a law against this sort of thing, but I'm glad there isn't, because I'm about to drip some seasonally saucy sounds all over you...

The Bellrays - All I Want To Do Is Shag For Christmas (buy e-here)
Dear Santa, for Christmas please can you bring me Dearest Wife with a ribbon (and nowt else) round her waist? Just mind where you put her, the tree can get a bit prickly. I've been too good all year. Love, FiL.

Ms Jody - Humping Santa (buy here or e-here)
Well, I think the bluesy Ms Jody got EXACTLY what she wanted from the man in red.

The Soul Sisters - Wreck A Buddy (buy here)
OK, strictly speaking this isn't a Chrimbo tune, but these Jamaican lasses do get all rude to the tune of Little Drummer Boy. So it counts.

Broken Social Scene - Handjobs For The Holidays (buy here or e-here)
A specialty item - you don't see these advertised at Wal-Mart...

And What Will Be Left Of Them? - Have Yourself A Filthy Little Christmas (from the 2006 Filthy Little Angels Xmas album - go download the magnificent 08 edition here)
Not the smuttiest song under the tree, but a rollicking tune with the best title! And I hope you do, Dearest Friends, I really hope you do!!

Can't Stop the Revelry

Until now I have been able to avoid it. I looked the other way when Dearest Tart started in on it obscenely early. And I plugged my ears when Dearest Ed started spinning his seasonal discs back at the arse-end of November. But December has ushered in the relentless tyranny of green and red and bells and fa-la-la-la-fucking-la. I cannot escape it and so I grudgingly accept an egg nog latte made with two parts schmaltz, two parts tension, and a diluted shot of cheer.

Christmas is coming.

Let's get one thing straight: I'm no Scrooge. I want it to be all about generosity and kindness and compassion. And I try very hard to make it so. Always have, always will, this year no exceptioin. But what Chrimbo inevitably turns out to be is stress and conflicting expectations and strained diplomacy and arguments and obligatory, joyless socializing and mutually unsatisfying compromise and orgiastic consumerism. Oh yes, the screams to buy buy BUY that are louder than ever this year as the keepers of the capitalist beast shame and guilt and exhort the financially stressed to spend so as to feed their starving pet.

But there is the music. Yes, there's quite a lot of good Christmas music about, in amongst the shite and tripe. Let's have us a bit of music, shall we? Accentuate the positive, and all that.

Maybe this year will be different...

Oscar the Grouch - I Hate Christmas (buy here)
I grew up hanging out with Oscar in his trashcan. Do you think he's the same species as Yoda??

Shrag - Stop the Revelry (I downloaded it here a couple of years ago)
A magnificently bittersour tune from these mighty Brighton artrockers. With parping Chrimbo keyboards to boot!!

The Sonics - Don't Believe in Christmas (buy here)
Vintage Seattle garage rawkers calling it as they feel it.

Jet Boys - Merry Christmas, Fuck You (buy here or e-here)
A younger vintage of Japanese garage rawkers calling it as they feel it.

Velodrome 2000 - Christmas Sucks (buy here)
Defunct Sheffield indiepop outfit flies the anti-hols flag high...

Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians of the British Empire - A Poundland Christmas (buy here or e-here)
Back to the garage with the legendary Wild Billy Childish, with an all-too-relevant tune for this year. But maybe that's just what we need: spend less, give more.

P.S. Now that I've started, I'm sure there'll be more Yuletide music to come...

Bangers & Mash

Oh, good Lord, it's been a bloody age, hasn't it? Look, I promise to tell you all about The Trip, but right now my time is all mashed up with work, kids, and that bloody pain in the arse known as Christmas. So please let me be glib and say: "Speaking of mashed up..."

The ever faaabulous Contrast Podcast this week serves up a steaming plate of delicious mash(ups), with a few bangers thrown in for good measure. And Dearest Tim's even gone and made his own delectable dish!! Download the whole heap of potatoes here, and tell us how tasty you find it all here.

What's on the menu?

(00:00) DJ Marcel Dejeune - Drop it like your heart and brain are done in (Bonzos vs Snoop vs Death Cab)
Tim from The face of today

(04:12) Brat Productions - Easy heaven (Commodores vs The Cure)
Natalie from Mini-Obs

(08:14) IDC - Hey mug (The Streets vs Outkast)
JC aka The Vinyl Villian

(12:52) DJ Lobsterdust - Baby Arrow (Marvin Gaye vs Mary Wells vs The
Carpenters vs The Album Leaf)
Chris from Culture Bully

(18:36) Go Home Productions - Ray of gob (Madonna vs The Sex Pistols)
FiL from Pogoagogo

(23:31) DJ Schmolli - Wicked wedding (Chris Isaak vs Billy Idol)
ZB from So the wind won’t blow it all away

(28:17) A plus D - An honest M.I.A. (M.I.A. vs The Bravery)
Eiron from The S+7 Method

(31:25) Bobby Martini - Too busy thinking about the magnificent seven (The Clash vs Marvin Gaye)
Tricia

(34:47) The Illuminoids - I’m a girl U want (The Monkees vs Devo)
Ross from Hummin’ Cummins

(38:14) The Very Best - Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa (ft. Vampire Weekend)
Bob from Gimme Tinnitus

(42:39) Aggro1 - Wonderwall Tribulations (Oasis vs LCD Soundsystem)
Adam from Pretending life is like a song

(47:10) Norwegian Recycling - How six songs collide
James from Appetite For Distraction

(53:31) 65 Days of Static - I’m dreaming of a white noise christmas (ft. Christina Aguilera)
John Q.

There are those who say the mashup has had it's day, and that even in its day it was the province of geeky, middle-class, white boys with too much time and money on their hands who shamelessly plundered hip-hop tunes. Well, if that's true then some of those white boys whipped up some arse-shakingly good stuff. And if as a result little Tarquin of Teddington discovered the joys of Jay-Z mixed in with his Hot Chip, then so much the better!!

The track I submitted is my all-time favourite serving of mash, but there are a whole slew of others that get my booty going. And here they are:

Jay-Zena - 99 Luft Problems (Jay-Z vs Nena)
Lady Sovereign vs Ministry - Love Me Or Hate Me Every Day
Silence Experiment - We Will Rock You In Da Club (50 Cent vs Queen)
2 Many DJs - No Fun & Push It (Salt-N-Pepa vs Stooges)
DJ Tripp - Jumping Someone Else's Freak (Missy Elliott vs The Cure)

Speaking of mashups and potatoes and white folks (and in honour of Tim putting some Snoop in da mix), here's Martha Stewart vs Snoop Dogg mashing potatoes together. For real.



Goodness, I hope regularly scheduled programming returns soon...

Holiday in Seattle

Dearest Friends, I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it. You see, tomorrow morning early I set off for Seattle. But this is no ordinary weekend jaunt, oh no. Why? Because I finally get to meet en chair et en os our Dearest Colin. Isn't that splendid?? Colin was one of my first ever bloggy friends, and I'm delighted that finally we will be breaking the electron barrier.

So, what are our plans? Well, first we'll be visiting Dear Old Aunt Lucy. We're not sure what to bring such an aged relative; perhaps some Yardley's Soap, maybe a Cadbury Milk Tray. After that, I'm tagging along to a sociology seminar to observe Colin in his professional capacity. Possibly inbetween, but certainly thereafter, we will find time to down a jar or five. And I'm sure there will be music, sweet music. There'll be music everywhere. Singing and dancing, records playing.

Not enough? Well, on top of that we'll be meeting up with Dearest Juan and hopefully Dearest Nico. More? Dearest JaG is driving down to join in the festivities! It'll be a true blogger jamboree. As an aside, I wonder what the collective noun for a group of bloggers is? A blogspot? A screed? Answers in the comments, please.

And finally, to top it all off, Colin is accompanying me back to Vancouver so he can sample its delights for a few days. Careful, we might like him so much up here that we won't give him back...

I suppose you're going to want some music to go along with that. In fact, you're probably expecting me to post some hip Seattle bands. Maybe some vintage Subpop, or Fatal Taxi for Sweetie. Well, forget that, but you will get some appropriate choonz:

Public Image Ltd - Seattle (buy here)
The Business - Holiday in Seattle (buy here)

Since my heart is going pitter-pat in anticipation, I thought it'd be appropriate to tell you about this week's Contrast Podcast, which kicks off a new series on parts of the body. And where do we start? Why, the heart, of course. I fear I'm in too much of a rush tonight to post the tracklisting like I usually do, but trust me, it's a cardiac-arresting lineup this week. Download it here and post your comments here.

Actually, this week's CP links nicely to tomorrow's meetup in that my intro was a joint one with Dearest Mentok, and we recorded live in a Winnipeg hotel room. Fact. You see, Mentok was in town for a political shebang, while I was visiting for workish reasons, and we managed to overlap by a day. What fun! He's a grand fellow, and it was lovely to see him, even if he did abandon me at the Heart of Gold...

Truth be told, we picked our track a) for kitsch value, and b) because Neil Young hails from Manitoba; neither one of us especially likes "Heart of Gold." Now, "Only Love Can Break Your Heart," that's altogether a better song. Especially these versions:

Psychic TV - Only Love Can Break Your Heart (buy here)
St Etienne - Only Love Can Break Your Heart (buy here)

Anyway, I must be off. Seattle or bust!!

Whistling in the Dark

Whistling over here

I can't really whistle properly - just never properly mastered the combination of lips & tongue & breath. I can do a reasonable approximation, but I sound like a sickly air mattress leaking air. My Father had a tremendous taxi whistle; with his two fingers in his mouth he could hail a cab from Jupiter. But alas, he never taught me how to do it...

OK, so I have some whistling baggage, I'll admit to that. Nevertheless, I think this week's Contrast Podcast theme is grand; Dearest Tricia (of no fixed blogabode) challenged contributors to come up with songs that make use of use sibilancy, and the result is indeed sooooper contrasty. You should really download the 'cast here, and feel free to comment here.

Here's something to wet your whistle:

(00:00) DeVotchKa - The enemy guns
Tricia

(05:58) Alfredo Linares y su Sonora - El Pito
The In Crowd from I’m Learning to Share!

(10:10) Alphabeat - Public image
FiL from Pogoagogo

(15:11) Paul K and the Weathermen - Golden opportunity
Greer from A Sweet Unrest

(18:33) Loose Fur - The ruling class
Natalie from Mini-Obs

(22:44) Rammstein - Engel
Adam from Pretending life is like a song

(27:07) DJ Riko - Whistler’s delight
Chip from Atomic Ned

(33:54) Geert Chatrou - Basilique de la bicyclette
Tim from The face of today

(37:32) Morgan Manifacier - I lost my dog
ZB from So the wind won’t blow it all away

(42:19) Lenlow - Bjorn slippy
Chris from Culture Bully

(47:50) Jan Turkenburg - Water
Eiron from The S+7 Method

(51:51) Less than Jake - Malt liquor tastes better when you’ve got problems
James from Appetite For Distraction

(54:43) Half Man Half Biscuit - Reasons to be miserable (part ten)
John Q.

(59:23) Elliott Smith - Jealous Guy
Dirk from Sexy Loser

This week I went rather contrarian and offered up a song that I really don't like. It's not that I feel that my beloved 'Public Image' is somehow too sacred to be covered, it's just that I think Alphabeat have done an exceptionally dreadful job of it. They eviscerate the song of all its snarly venom (sidebar: "'Public Image' is not the first Public Image Limited single; it is really the last Sex Pistols single. Discuss."), they flay it of its throbbing bass and jagged chaos of guitar, and replace it all with a deadpan, humourless delivery, tepid pop instrumentation, and that bloody annoying whistling. Argh. Fuck. Kill.

Before deciding I had to expose this travesty to the cold, harsh light of truth, I considered a few other whistly tunes, though none I considered awesome enough to deploy. I figured if I couldn't do ffabulous, then I'd do dreadful. See? I was feeling contrary. Crotchety old man syndrome, perhaps. Kids these days, no respect. When I were a lad, it were all wax cylinders and Morris dancing...

Happy Mondays - Step On (buy here)
Original Madchester über-baggy. I actually saw the Mondays open for The Pixies in NYC back in 1989. Talk about a dreadfully mismatched pair of bands; we indie kids had no clue what to make of Bez with his thousand-yard stare, freaky dancing, and maracas...

J Geils Band - Centerfold (buy here)
OK, I'll admit it: I thought this song ROCKED! OK, I did when I was about 12. Ply me with drink and I might sing you the entire song, though with air-mattressy whistling.

The Monochrome Set - Jet Set Junta (buy here or e-here)
While maybe not an awesome tune, had I thought of this ditty by these London post-punks before I sent off my submission, I might well have spared you the dreadfulness of Alphablech. Oh well...

Next week is the start of another series, this time focusing on body parts. And we kick things off with: The Heart. So get submitting! How? Like this.

P.S. It's time to start thinking about Christmas! Tim's preparing another Festive Fifty episode, and he wants you to list your top songs of 2008 in order (up to 50, but top 10 is OK as well) and send them to him at contrast.podcast@gmail.com by Sunday, 16 November. Zoiks! That's only four days from now! Get moving!!

God What A Racket!

FiL, post-GWAR

How to tell if you're at a GWAR concert at the Commodore Ballroom in Vancouver:

1. Despite a widely advertised smoking ban, a fug of pot smoke hangs over the audience, more pungent than you would find at any hippyfest.
   
   
2. There are large demons onstage with instruments, musical and other.
   
   
3. They play screamingly fast & loud thrash metal with a satirical (if juvenile) edge.
   
   
4. The show revolves around a storyline that pits GWAR against various contenders for the Intergalactic Wrestling Championship Belt.
   
   
5. Within the space of fifteen minutes two of the contenders, Barack Obama and John McCain, are beheaded and flayed/disemboweled, respectively.
   
   
6. As a direct result of point 5 (supra), you are covered from head to toe in blood. Plus you get some in your mouth because you’re laughing.
   
   
7. You find yourself singing along to “Bring Back The Bomb.”
   
   
8. You keep tripping over shoes lost in the mosh pit, and you’re grateful for your eight-hole Doc Martens.
   
   
9. The nice people who fling you into the mosh pit are only too glad to pick you up when you fall. They even offer you their joints, which you have to decline on account that you need to drive home.
   
   
10. You can’t wait until GWAR come back next year on their 25th anniversary tour.

GWAR - Bring Back The Bomb (buy here)