Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Feeling Lusty

Taken from this lavvy wall

This week Contrast Podcast ventures into the realm of mortal sin by inviting us all to wade waist-deep in a steaming, roiling pool of thick, viscous, musical... LUUUST!!!

*Pant, pant, drool, quiver*

Ahem. Er, I'd best make this very quick, lest it get messy. Download the podcast here and prepared to get all hot 'n' bothered. Just have a cold shower running on standby, and watch out for the two dirty old men right at the beginning. Oh, and I found the tracklisting written up on the wall of a public lavatory:

(00:00) Intro from Mr G. Letch & Mr A. Thrub

(01:42) Betty Boo - Close the door
Tim from The face of today

(05:06) Betty Davis - Anti love song
Chris from

(09:51) She wants revenge - Tear you apart
Linda from Speed of dark

(15:16) Scraping foetus off the wheel - Lust for death
ZB from So the wind won’t blow it all away

(18:43) Gang of Four - Damaged goods
Sid from Too Much Rock

(22:28) The Jam - Start! (live)
Crash from Pretending life is like a song

(25:10) Amy Rigby - You get to me
Marcy from Lost in your inbox

(28:14) The Long Blondes - Lust in the movies
FiL from Pogoagogo

(31:27) Art Brut - Good weekend
Rick from Are you embarassed easily?

(34:39) Leon Haywood - I wanna do something freaky to you
Dirk from Sexy Loser

(41:47) Ultra Vivid Scene - Tar, iodine, blood and lust
Conrad from White Car Records

(44:42) Julian Cope - Eve’s volcano
Mark from Cinema du Lyon

(49:31) R.E.M. - Tounge
James from Jamesisadork

(53:45) Bruce Cockburn - Bone in my ear
Natalie from Mini-obs

(57:38) Prince - Sex temptation lust
Ross from Just gimme indie rock

You know, my choice (Lust in the Movies by The Long Blondes) somehow got me musing on pop cultcha dames I'd lusted after at one point or another. So, at the risk of totally humiliating myself, here's an abbreviated, annotated, and chronological catalogue of FiL's past lusts:

1) Catwoman. Yes, I know, there have been soooo many, y'all are dying to know which one tickled my fancy. Well, it was Julie Newmar in the glorious (sorry Mentok) sixties TV version. Yep, she was my first crush at around the precocious age six. Rrrrrroooowww!!

Link Wray - Batman Theme (buy here or e-here)

2) Marie Osmond. Yes, I religiously watched the Donny & Marie Show as a bairn. My Marie - that hair! Those chipmunk cheeks! Those dresses!! Embarrassing to think of it now, but back then, I'd be her little bit of country or rock 'n' roll or whatever.

But I confess: her teeth, huge and white like marble headstones, creeped me out. So much so that one day I took a pin to my theretofore sacred Donny & Marie LP sleeve and punched cavities in her toothy Mormon grin. It was then I knew we were not meant to be.

Donny & Marie Osmond
- A Little Bit Country (buy here)

3) Princess Leia. Oh man, those hair buns... But by the time she started getting all galactic with Han Solo, I was so over her.

Meco - Star Wars Theme (buy here)

4) Olivia Newton-John. Er, um, I blame circumstances beyond my control. Physical came out around the time puberty hit. My hormones were all over the place.

Olivia Newton-John - Physical (buy here)

But these days I far prefer this version:

Revolting Cocks
- (Let's Get) Physical (buy here)

5) Siouxsie Sioux. I am your humble servant, O my Goth Queen...

Siouxsie & The Banshees - Dazzle (buy here)

6) Kate Bush. Ah, now we're getting somewhere. However, I wasn't as smitten as one of my Dearest Friends was. Indeed, there was a high school French teacher at our school who bore an uncanny resemblance to the lushly maned warbler, much to his delight and anguish.

Kate Bush - Sat In Your Lap (buy here)

7) L7. All of them. In a vat of baked beans, please.

L7 - Fast and Frightening (buy here )

8) PJ Harvey. This woman is simply amazing in every way. Makes my heart go thrub, thrub, thrub...

PJ Harvey - Sheela Na Gig (buy here)

9) Audrey Hepburn. I don't much fawn over movie stars, but Audrey, oh my! Such grace, such style, such dignity. And she rode a Vespa. Le sigh. Le swoon.

Audrey Hepburn - Moon River (buy here)

I think that's what Eminem would call "cleanin' out my closet." Alright Dearest Friends, now it's your turn. Which slebs of screen, stage, or sound did/do you lust after??


Just a Girl said...

Okay, I'll embarrass myself...

A couple of members of Menudo (not Ricky) brightened my Saturday mornings...
Gerard Butler with his crooked smile, Scottish accent and that height...
Apollo from the old Battlestar Galactica...
Chris Cornell when he had the flowing locks...
And, like a lot of West Coasters back in the day, Bryan Adams...

Mentok said...

Why ever are you apologizing to me for Julie Newmar? I'm still not over her! There will never ever be another Catwoman as sexy as her.

Inspired by an episode of Friends, the wife and I used to keep up what we called our "Lists of Five": five sexy celebrities with whom we could have sex without recrimination in the unlikely event that an opportunity arose.

Top of my list, then and now: Alyssa Milano (although her celebrity status is getting shaky these days).

(We actually haven't kept up the lists lately. The 'no recriminations' rule faded as soon as I put Jenny McCarthy on my list; "I can't believe you'd even think about sleeping with that skank" etc. Just goes to show there is no safe way to deal with such subjects).

Bishakh said...

Ha ha! Oh,'ve brought all the delight and anguish flooding back to me. Madame K. will always have a place in my heart (cue warbly Edwin Collins & Orange Juice)- and I'm sure this is the case for many a UNISite (girls and boys) who were lucky enough to fall under her spell and tutelage.

And Siouxsie! You truly are a man of impeccable taste!

P.S. Wot, no Wendy O. Williams?

Anonymous said...

oooh Siouxsie, I still have her picture with me taken on polaroid after we chased her limo all the way from LA to west Hollywood and the Chateau Marmont. Steve Severin and Budgie were very nice, but Siouxsie was spectacular...

and of course any woman on a Vespa adds 17 beauty points automatically (extra points for Lambrettas)

JC said...

Clare Grogan.


And I'll add another vote for Peej.

It's obviously something abour small perfectly formed packages.

mjrc said...

well, speaking for the laydees of a certain age, i have to say david cassidy. oh yes. after that it gets a little murky.

nowadays i go for the funny guys--ben stiller, steve carrell, jon stewart, will ferrell, stephen colbert. i could probably be persuaded to run away with any one of them! ;-)

mjrc said...

crap, i forgot to say what a fab new header you have! how did you do that?

Davy H said...

Fabulous! How DID you???

Just a Girl said...

Yep. Loving the new header.

FiL said...

Dearest JaG: A capital list! But I still think Marie Osmond trumps you in embarrassment.

Dearest, Dearest Beesh: I'm afraid I didn't go for the electrical tape Wendy was wont to wear on her nipples. And as fore Mme K, oh, that hair...

Dearest Juan: You met Siouxsie? Sigh... And I'm with you on the scooter points.

Dearest JC: "Small perfectly formed packages" - ooer, missus, fnarr fnarr. But impeccable taste, sir!

Dearest Marcy: How about running away with ALL of them?

Dearest Marcy/Davy/JaG: Why, many thanks! It was a gift from that wonderful podcast man, Tim Young. I'm pleased as punch with it.

FiL said...

Dearest Mentok: I left you out! Bad FiL...

Must try out the top 5 idea with wife. "Darling, if PJ Harvey were to drop by for a cuppa, would you mind if I, you know, um..."