Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bad Experience


Origami cleverness from here

When I first saw it, I didn't believe it. I thought it was a joke, something crafted by a latteklatsch of ultra-cool, web-savvy, hyper-ironic hipsters with designer haircuts.

But it's not.

It's real.

And it made me nauseous.

Step right up folks, you too can have the ultimate Rock & Roll Experience. Yes, for a mere $7,999 you'll get to play in a rock band with "world-famous musicians!" Jam with "iconic rockers!" Attend private workshops with "platinum rock stars!!!" What's more, the price of this 5-day package includes luxury hotel accommodation at the four-star Hotel Renew in Honolulu!!!! You will be "treated like a celebrity and catered to accordingly!!!!!" Confirmed rock gods participating are Glen Matlock (he was always the weediest Pistol anyway), Gerard V. Casale (Devolution, indeed) and Wayne Kramer (say it ain't so!!).

Dearest Friends, this is a travesty. This is not rock 'n' roll. This is balding, fiftysomething, system analysts with their remaining strands of hair scraped behind their heads into dork handles. This is Euro trustafarian brats decked out in Bench and Von Dutch. This is the annoying, botox-injected fucker who cut me off today in his Porsche Boxter. This is whore meets john.

Oh my, I think I need a cocktail of proper music on the rocks to clear the taste of sick from my throat...

Chuck Berry - Johnny B. Goode (buy here or e-here)
Subway Sect - Different Story (buy here or e-here)
Dead Kennedys - Pull My Strings (buy here or e-here)
Sex Pistols - The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle (buy here or e-here)

10 comments:

HowMarvellous said...

Doesn't everything in the Simpsons come to pass? - actually they based it on this real one, now boasting its 11th anniversary, with a London date for just $13K.
I see that the one you mentioned offers a round of golf with said rock stars - merely $1000 extra, what a steal.

Just a Girl said...

Oh. MY. Gosh.

AC@46 said...

the last tune is a perfect song for the "Experience"

a Tart said...

I agree with your sentiments completely save one: whores more than occasionally "get off" with their johns.

mjrc said...

tell us how you REALLY feel!!

ally. said...

why in heavens name would anyone pay to spend time with such a dreadfully coiffured bunch? i mean a tour of finsbury park with lydon maybe or a go on vic godards postie round but matlock? gawd help us.
x

China said...

Oh goodness. I saw Wayne Kramer play at the Farmer's Market in Los Angeles a couple of years ago - thought it'd be excited, found out he's now doing dreadful poppy rock with keyboards. Matches his head, I guess.

The Warden said...

Can't add much more than you and the commenters. the whole thing sounds like a parody right out of The Onion. Something unseemly about it, like when I heard London calling for a Jaguar commercial.

Sarah said...

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FiL said...

Hello Marvellous! Thanks for the pointer - fantasy camp? Ye gods.

Dearest JaG, so you won't be buying a ticket then?

Thanks AC, I did indeed have that in mind.

Dearest Tart, point taken. But methinks in this context that makes it all the worse...

Dearest Marcy, ya think I was too subtle?

Dearest Ally, someone should really should give snotty wee Glen a Chinese burn.

Dearest China, very sad indeed... :(

Hi Warden! Yes, I get very unsettled when I hear the like. I mean, Buzzcocks advertising for the AARP? Jeezo!

And Sarah, I'm still trying to decide if that counts as spam, but I'm feeling charitable rght now. :)