Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Filthy Little Christmas


I made this...


So Dearest Wife whips up a batch of lovely gingerbread homunculi, which she and the Delightful Children decorate in a manner appropriate to the season. At my request, they leave me a couple to embellish. After all, it's the family togetherness wot makes this time of the year special, right??

My first attempt results in a rather unconvincing zombie; it was hard to get the exposed brain just right. But my second baked golem turns out rather better; Dearest Friends, I give you the anatomically (more-or-less) correct Ginger Bready, the most sensuous erotic artiste ever to be formed out of pastry. OK, the kids think she's wearing a bikini and holding a cellphone, but y'all know it's really boobs 'n' pubes 'n' lube...

Actually, I blame all this filth on Dearest Tart. Yes, I was lured into the sultry world of Chrimbo smut by her provocative posts here and here. There oughta be a law against this sort of thing, but I'm glad there isn't, because I'm about to drip some seasonally saucy sounds all over you...

The Bellrays - All I Want To Do Is Shag For Christmas (buy e-here)
Dear Santa, for Christmas please can you bring me Dearest Wife with a ribbon (and nowt else) round her waist? Just mind where you put her, the tree can get a bit prickly. I've been too good all year. Love, FiL.

Ms Jody - Humping Santa (buy here or e-here)
Well, I think the bluesy Ms Jody got EXACTLY what she wanted from the man in red.

The Soul Sisters - Wreck A Buddy (buy here)
OK, strictly speaking this isn't a Chrimbo tune, but these Jamaican lasses do get all rude to the tune of Little Drummer Boy. So it counts.

Broken Social Scene - Handjobs For The Holidays (buy here or e-here)
A specialty item - you don't see these advertised at Wal-Mart...

And What Will Be Left Of Them? - Have Yourself A Filthy Little Christmas (from the 2006 Filthy Little Angels Xmas album - go download the magnificent 08 edition here)
Not the smuttiest song under the tree, but a rollicking tune with the best title! And I hope you do, Dearest Friends, I really hope you do!!

10 comments:

Natsthename said...

THat one might scare the little FiL-lets, but if you put a bag over her head...

Mentok said...

That's right, in the immortal words of Frank Sinatra, just put a bag over her head and do your business.

FiL said...

Nah, the bairns weren't scared - again, they think Ginger's at the beach in her bikini, chatting to her friends on a cellphone...

a Tart said...

Once again we prove that youth is truly wasted on the young!

Always glad to be your muse xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Oh FiL,

What would they say in the SBR?

Big kiss.

T

Girl said...

*snicker*

a Tart said...

visualize Marilyn Monroe... close your eyes now... "Happy Birthday ......to.......you. Happy Birthday .........to........youuuuuuu. "

you know the rest. you are the best (don't tell the others, darling)

muuuuuuuahhhhhhh! I adore you, you filthy, gorgeous, beautiful man, you!

xoxooxxooxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxooxoxox,
Tart

Rachel said...

Tis the season. :-)

Happy Birthday dear Armadillo.
Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Haven't eaten her yet then!

From your birthday surprise.

Greer said...

I see your artistic genius shines through in any medium.

Merry Christmas x.