So Dearest Wife whips up a batch of lovely gingerbread homunculi, which she and the Delightful Children decorate in a manner appropriate to the season. At my request, they leave me a couple to embellish. After all, it's the family togetherness wot makes this time of the year special, right??
My first attempt results in a rather unconvincing zombie; it was hard to get the exposed brain just right. But my second baked golem turns out rather better; Dearest Friends, I give you the anatomically (more-or-less) correct Ginger Bready, the most sensuous erotic artiste ever to be formed out of pastry. OK, the kids think she's wearing a bikini and holding a cellphone, but y'all know it's really boobs 'n' pubes 'n' lube...
Actually, I blame all this filth on Dearest Tart. Yes, I was lured into the sultry world of Chrimbo smut by her provocative posts here and here. There oughta be a law against this sort of thing, but I'm glad there isn't, because I'm about to drip some seasonally saucy sounds all over you...
The Bellrays - All I Want To Do Is Shag For Christmas (buy e-here) Dear Santa, for Christmas please can you bring me Dearest Wife with a ribbon (and nowt else) round her waist? Just mind where you put her, the tree can get a bit prickly. I've been too good all year. Love, FiL.
Ms Jody - Humping Santa (buy here or e-here) Well, I think the bluesy Ms Jody got EXACTLY what she wanted from the man in red.
The Soul Sisters - Wreck A Buddy (buy here) OK, strictly speaking this isn't a Chrimbo tune, but these Jamaican lasses do get all rude to the tune of Little Drummer Boy. So it counts.
And What Will Be Left Of Them? - Have Yourself A Filthy Little Christmas (from the 2006 Filthy Little Angels Xmas album - go download the magnificent 08 edition here) Not the smuttiest song under the tree, but a rollicking tune with the best title! And I hope you do, Dearest Friends, I really hope you do!!